Trials or Blessings??

I can't believe it's been over 7 months since I've written here...so much has happened that I don't even know if I could put it all into words.   Seven months ago we experienced what we would have considered one of the hardest trials that we have had to encounter and yet it has turned into one of the biggest blessings...


Over the past several months, God has slowly & patiently been transforming my thoughts of worship and teaching me about His sovereign grace - a big reason we respond to Him in worship.   Through His patient prompts and pursuit, He is teaching me that these things we consider "trials" and "struggles" are truly just His incredibly gracious pursuit of us...trying to get us to a place that we will actually listen to Him and be ready to respond to Him.   As humans, our pride tends to blind us when things are going smoothly and we tend to not be still and listen as much...it is when we are in a storm, that we feel so desperate to know Him and strive to listen for Him and to be aware of His presence".


There is also the process of pruning ("He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15:2).  As God grows us and we learn to turn to Him in everything, He will prune us more and more so that He seen as the strength in our weakness.   This is a constant part of the sanctification process...if we exist for His glory alone, we understand and learn to cherish the time of pruning despite how hard it might be. This is when we understand James telling us to find joy in our trials...this is when we learn a life of worship.


We so often reference Romans 12:1-2 and recognize that we need to "offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship."  What I am learning is that this act of true and proper worship, the act of offering our bodies as a living sacrifice is when we recognize that when we are encountering the times when God is pursuing us to the extent that we are struggling and truly come to appreciate His pursuit instead of wishing to get out of that "struggle".   It is welcoming His pursuit and looking for Him in it...those are the times that we worship at our best, because we are truly recognizing His sovereignty - that He is in everything and that nothing happens without Him knowing it.


This is the worship that becomes transformational in our lives...  Maybe why James says to "count it all joy when we encounter trials of various kinds"; because when we are encountering these trials and struggles is when God is moving & working within our lives.  This is why He's given us the Holy Spirit...to be able to navigate through the times and actually grow and worship Him by giving our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy & pleasing to God.


I am so grateful that God has chosen to work in our family; so grateful that despite how often I act in my humanity rather than acting in the Holy Spirit, that He does not give up on me, but continues to pursue me and put me in places where only He can get me through.  These are truly becoming my greatest moments of worship...and many of them don't even have music!  LOL


He has also been gracious enough to surround us with people who choose to walk through this life together...how gracious He is to understand how weak we are in our humanity and to surround us with others who will walk with us through all of the junk.  What a blessing is the body of Christ!  "We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints, because of the hope laid up for you in heaven."  Col 1:3-5

Honesty...it's not always fun...

I can't believe it's been over 2 months since I've actually written on this blog!   When I started this blog, part of the reason was for accountability and to honestly share on my journey in hopes that by being honest & transparent it would help others on their journey of living a life of worship.

Those of you who know me know that I am incredibly passionate about worship...but not just worship - what it means to live a life of worship.   So what is the difference when you are living a life of worship as depicted in in Romans 12:1-2?   Worship is something that comes fairly easily to me - it is something I love doing - something I've dedicated my life to leading and asking others to join me in the worship of the Almighty, Sovereign God.   There is nothing more life changing than seeking Him out and being in His presence - the One who created the world and created you; realizing how holy He is - how mighty He is...yet He chooses to know us - to have a relationship with the very ones who caused the death of His only Son.

While I have most definitely worshipped over the last 2 months and found myself in His presence, I have been awoken this morning with this thought in my mind - I do not think I've truly lived a life of worship.   Yes, I have prayed, read the Word, and had moments of worship...but I have stopped looking for Him in every part of my life.  It seems like over the past few months, we have been surrounded with drama in different areas of our lives which has taken our focus off of Him a lot of the time; we have been focused on the drama.  Understanding that part of our focus has been praying and seeking Him and striving to handle things the way He wants; but the drama still had our focus.   Rather than just living in Him and seeking to be who He wants me to be, I've been living in the situation and seeking His direction.  Rom 12:1-2 says - "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

In our Bible study group, we started back up in the book Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and this week our focus was on the discipline of meditation.  This is a discipline that comes very easily to me - to sit in the presence of God and be still & quite and just aware of who He is...listening to Him. This is my favorite discipline...yet...this week I have found it a struggle...

The preaching we were blessed to hear this last Sunday was on Luke 15 & the prodigal son...but rather than all of the emphasis being on the son who ran away to "the far country" and got wrapped up in seeking the ways of this world for happiness, we were asked to examine ourselves and to think about how many steps we had taken to "the far country" and not even realized.   We were asked to think about the last time that we were truly broken before God and overwhelmed at the sin we carry...how dirty and filthy we are standing before a holy God.   If we have not been completely overwhelmed that a holy & righteous God looks past our filth & sin and loves us, then we have to ask ourselves why not?   How can I stand in His presence and know these things but not be constantly overwhelmed that He even allows me in His presence?   This is living a life of worship - knowing this fact and living it every day.   On Sunday, the pastor used the example of rolling through a stop sign and asked how many of us viewed sin that way...thinking - "oops I just messed up", but it's not really a big deal?  We become so caught up in life that we forget how incredibly personal sin is to God.  When is the last time you actually came before Him in private and became so aware of who He really is - all that He is - that you were overwhelmed with how you had sinned before Him?

The things of this world - our wants, the drama, stress, etc. - it will always be there...that is how Satan works to get our attention off of a Holy God.  The more we let the things of this world take up our time and thoughts, the more steps we take to a "far country" and they will just continue to take up more and more of our lives.   If we can keep our focus on the Living & Redeeming Lord - if we can remember that He knows what tomorrow brings & leave the stress with Him, we will not only be living a life of worship, but we will be living in His peace rather than the chaos of this world.   It is by bringing Him into EVERY area of our life that we can live in that peace...

I want to end this post by encouraging you to find a quite place - in the busyiness and craziness of this life, find a few minutes to be alone in a quiet place.   If you have a hard time being quiet, take your ipod with some worship music that will help you get to that quiet place and then just be quiet before your Creator...then cry out to the Holy God & confess your sin before Him - allow yourself to come "undone" before Him; once you have totally emptied yourself before Him, ask Him to fill you with His love.   It's unreal how just a few minutes of being quiet in His presence will change everything around us...  ;)

Bin Laden is dead! Should we rejoice? Yes!!!! But...

Last night, I first saw the news on Facebook and then eventually turned on the TV to get the facts...I can't believe it's been almost 10 years since the horrific event that took thousands of American lives.  

As most people, I distinctly remember where I was when I heard the news - my (now) 18 year old daughter was 9, my (now) 16 year old was 6, I was pregnant with my littlest and we were in the car driving to school.  At first, they were announcing that it was an accident, then the terrorism came into play...then we sat by the TVs and watched as those 2 buildings crumbled, knowing that many, many lives were lost at that moment.   We watched New York City pull together - people risking and giving their lives trying to save others; then we watched America come together and remember that we were "one nation under God", as we grieved together. 

Last night and today, we have been reminded again of who we are as a nation, as we celebrate in the justice that has finally happened. We know that we serve a just God and that He even required justice to the point of His Son's sacrifice to cover our sins.  He handed out punishment to cities in the Old Testament who refused to obey Him...we know He demands justice.

However...at the same time, He shows us such grace - through the gift of His Son and through Christ's life, we see over and over such examples of grace and love for those who may not "deserve it".   Like the thief on the cross...when he professed Christ was God's Son, Jesus assured him that they would see each other in paradise.  That is a love that goes beyond justice...

So today - as we celebrate this justice - while we rejoice in the fact that this will save (who knows how many) lives, also remember that a soul was lost today.  And...yes...he was a horrible man who murdered many (and I am grateful for the justice that was served), but nonetheless, he was a creation of God and he also influenced many other lives that have been and will be lost because they were blinded by His words.   So...while we rejoice in the justice and while (I know) we remember in prayer those families who have lost loved ones due to this man's actions, let us also remember those will continue to be influenced by his teachings.   Let's also cover them in prayer and ask God to intercept and put things in place that may give them the opportunity to see the truth.

I 100% celebrate this victory today, knowing that justice has been served and lives will be saved.  As God's children, we are not only believers in justice, but believers in grace; as we walk through today and strive to live a life of worship today, let's remember both sides of God's character.  As we pursue Him today, let's pray that He teaches us how to live in a way that honors Him wholly...give our day as an act of living sacrifice, wholly, acceptable, and pleasing to Him.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  Rom 12:1-2

Be Still & Know His Crazy Love

 Waking up today, I was reminded that today is the day we remember the greatest gift of love that has ever been given -

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

 This is something that many of us have heard and have been taught our entire lives and we know full well what this truly means...how much God loves us...that He gave His one and only Son to die so that we could spend eternity with Him...that Christ loves us so much that He willingly and quietly laid down His life for us...

In Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love, he says - 

"Have you ever wondered if we're missing it?  It's crazy, if you think about it.  The God of the universe - the Creator of nitrogen and pine needles, galaxies and E-minor - loves us with a radical, unconditional, self-sacrificing love.  And what is our typical response?  We go to church, sing songs, and try not to cuss."

These are things we definitely know...BUT...do you really get it-is it at the core of who you are?   Because I think that if we truly get this in our heart of hearts, there is no way we can continue with our lives the way we tend to live; caught up in our schedules, jobs, church, our things, etc.   If we really & truly get this, it has to humble us to a point that we can barely speak; it has to overwhelm us with love & gratitude in such a way that it will be obvious to those around us that we are different.  Not because of who we are or what a great person we are, but that we are so loved and overwhelmed by the Almighty Creator that we just are different.

Of course, we are still human and will still make mistakes, but if true understanding of this is who we are to the core, don't you think it would show to those around us?   Don't you think it would mean we would all be spending time in His Word, trying to understand even more of who He is and how He works in us and around us?  Don't you think our choices & actions would be different throughout the day if this was who we are at the core?

As I'm writing this, I'm reminded again of the depth of His love for me - love that I deserve to have no part of....and yet He still chooses to love me.   Today my act of worship is to share that love with everyone I can - to be sure they know how much He loves them (starting with reminding my family).

Luke 23:44-46 says -  It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon,  for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two.  Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.

Live today knowing to your core how much your Creator loves you & let those around you see His love in you.   Take a few minutes today and tomorrow to read the story of His crucifixion, watch the Passion...do something that reminds you of the extent of His love...then get lost in His love - just a few minutes to remember something so overwhelming.  As Francis Chan says "...when you're wildly in love with someone, it changes everything."

A Life of Peace??

Very simply put, my act of worship today has been to not worry.   I am a worrier by nature; I like things to be planned out - I like to know what to expect next, to be sure my bases are covered; I don't like being unsure, unaware or caught off guard.

There are a lot of things going on in our family right now- decisions that need to be made, projects that have word to be done, but are also waiting on others.   I am most definitely a planner with my lists and spreadsheets that make me feel comfortable and I don't like depending on others to decide what happens next (okay, so maybe I'm a bit of a control freak)...  ;)   Because of that, I think God knows that sometimes He needs to put me in a spot where I am forced to wait on Him and depend on Him - just to remind me which one of us is sovereign.

In the midst of everything, I am reminded by Psalm 139 that God created me and knew every day of my life before I ever drew a breath; therefore, despite my uncertainty, He does know what tomorrow brings, what decisions I will end up making (right or wrong), and how He will use those decisions to bring Him glory.   Another one of my favorite passages says:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.    James 1:2-6

Romans 12:1-2 tells us to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy & pleasing to God - that this is our act of spiritual worship.   So...today...I choose to live in His grace & His peace - to not worry about any of the decisions I have to make, but to know that He already knows what is coming and what needs to happen.   Instead of worrying and trying to figure out what I'm "supposed to do", I choose to "let His mighty Spirit fall on me" - to get lost in His amazing, awesomeness/ His sovereignty and to ask Him to reveal decisions to me in His time.

What decisions are you wrestling with today?   Instead of wrestling with yourself, take a few minutes to be in awe of our Creator, listen to "Spirit Fall" by Chris Tomlin or "Waiting Here for You" by Christy Nockels (both are Passion) and get lost in His presence for 7 minutes...then go live today in peace - as your act of worship - knowing that your Lord & Savior knows what tomorrow brings.   Then walk away "singing alleluia" knowing that the one who controls the wind and the waves is in control of your life.

Happy birthday!!!

Today is my birthday and I have to say that today I feel blessed beyond anything I could imagine!   I was actually up and driving home at midnight this morning when my birthday started; I was praying (good alone time) and it was like I heard God say "Happy birthday! Today is the day you celebrate the day I gave you life!"  Then I rec'd my first "Happy Birthday" on facebook.   It reminded me that He celebrates our lives more than we do - that He so carefully crafted each and every one of us, watched us as we took our first breath, and loves us beyond anything we can imagine.   At the same time, He also knew every mistake we would make, every time we would fail Him, every time we would turn our backs on Him, and every time we would come running back to Him grateful for His love.   He knew all of that as our parents were meeting us for the first time and experiencing just a fraction of the love He feels for us.

What an amazing God we serve!   Over this last year, I have fallen more in love with my Savior than I have ever been; I have been overwhelmed by His grace, His faithfulness, His love, His mercy, and just how incredibly amazing He is.   I have watched him strengthen my marriage, draw our family in tighter to Him and continue growing our relationships with our girls.   I am reminded on this day that "I am celebrated" that I deserve none of this - the only reason I am to be celebrated is because I am His creation.  Anything I do that is of any worth is only because of Him and I am so blessed that He has allowed me to be in ministry - that He allows me be drawn into His presence in worship - and that He has surrounded me with an amazing family, incredible friends, and a worship team that I can't imagine life without.

This next year is His - wholly & completely - & I can't wait to see what He chooses to do and just pray that I am prepared for what He calls me to be a part of...  :)

Psalm 139 - in celebration of my birthday!

 ¹ You have searched me, LORD, 

and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise; 

you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down; 

you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue 

you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain.

 ⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
   Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
   if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
   your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
   and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
   the night will shine like the day,
   for darkness is as light to you.

 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.

That's not my responsibility...is it?

Every Sunday morning, many Christians get up, eat breakfast, get their families ready and head off to church for a worship service.  In that time of gathering, they plan to worship together, pray together, hear from God's Word, bring their gifts, and maybe hear a testimony or participate in an ordinance.   An entire church staff focuses on planning and preparing for this service, trying to make sure that they think of every transition, every minute of the service, praying over it...hoping that it will be something God can use to touch and challenge His people.

In a conversation this morning with a friend, an interesting question was posed that I felt was worth taking some time to think and talk through...

"...in what way does a worship leader need to lead in the various ways his people worship?  Is it his/her responsibility to do that - or is it the people's responsibility to follow the leader in whatever way he/she goes?"

 As I've pondered this question, I've come to the conclusion that I believe it is both...

When I am leading worship, I have to anticipate that there are people there to worship with us who either don't know Christ, are new in their relationship with Christ, or who may have fallen away; these people are the people that I should be striving to reach more than anything when putting a service together.   Of course, as a worship leader, we are always praying that God will use us to move in the hearts of anyone and everyone that He wants to touch; but in planning, I believe that the style, environment, etc. has to be planned for those who need help learning how to draw close to the feet of God in worship.

As a growing follower of Christ, I know that when I walk into a worship service, it is MY responsibility to prepare myself for a time of worship with the body of Christ.  If I take time to prepare myself for this time, it won't matter what songs are sung and what style they are; worship is an act of giving - it is me bringing all that I am and pouring my love and adoration out to my Creator.   If I am giving, then I am setting my own personal wants aside and I am able to worship to old time hymns, liturgy, Hillsong, Chris Tomlin, Leeland Band....whatever...I should simply prepare myself and trust that God has prepared the leader and been a part of the service planning.

Also - as someone who is passionately pursuing our Lord & Savior, I am worshipping throughout the week on my own and I know what things bring me to that worshipful mindset more easily than others.  For me, music is by far the easiest way for me to get lost in the greatness of God; I think second is watching my husband and girls after I have spent time praying for them and being able to see God in them; another way is when I read testimonies of how other people are pursuing Him...that always makes my heart burst with love & adoration for Him.  Those are some of my most basic ways to worship.

As a worship leader, I like to use scripture within the service & I remember when a church member emailed me once to thank me for doing so because they do not worship as easily by music, but really worship by getting lost in the Word of God.   That was a real "Aha!" moment for me in realizing how I could help people within my church find that place of worship easier.   As church members, maybe we need to be sure we do communicate with our leaders more when there is something that really helps us - I think that can be another responsibility we can pick up as members to help the staff in planning a service.

Conclusion - if you're taking the time to read this, you're probably someone who does passionately pursue God, so once again my challenge to you is to look and ask yourself if you prepare you for corporate worship on Sunday.   If enough of us take the time to do so, it will begin to change the atmosphere on Sundays...you will begin to see an overall change in the participation (more hands raised, more excitement, more kneeling at the altar), hear more singing, and I believe that will eventually bring a change to our churches in seeing our families live life together, go deeper in study, serving together, etc.  

It all starts in the heart and it takes time to prepare ourselves to go before a holy Lord.   I mean...think about it...we are bringing ourselves before the Creator of the universe of an unknown number of galaxies; and despite how amazingly grand He is, He still cares enough about you & me to know how many hairs are on our heads, to know when we wake up and when we sleep, and to know our inmost thoughts.  I think we must ask ourselves, "have I taken the He deserves to prepare to be in His presence?"